A Golfer’s Examen
To start, I am not a Jesuit by any means. At best, I’m Jesuit adjacent by virtue of my job. Going back to the first time I stepped on campus, I’ve been associated with a Jesuit institution for twenty-five years. Over that time, I’ve been exposed to several traditions and spiritual tools that the Society of Jesus uses to contemplate and enrich their spiritual and everyday life. The one that is particularly meaningful to me is the Examen. It is an exercise (not to be confused with the Spiritual Exercises, but that’s another story) to examine one’s day, to take stock of what has transpired, and to look toward the future. Probably in the last 5 or so years, I’ve used the Examen to recount my days as part of my nightly(well, kind of nightly) practice of reflection.
A second point to start off with is that I’m not very good at golf; in fact, I’m pretty bad at it. That is not false modesty. I currently play to a 32 handicap. I know to some golfers this is a revelation that the handicap system can go so high. Trust me on this, it can go even higher. Even so, as I hack my way around a course where breaking 100 is a cause of celebration, there is much to be gained from the experience.
Which is where the examen and golf come together. While any sport or activity can lend itself to reflection, golf is particularly well suited for it. During a round, there are many times to pause, think, and meditate. Not just about the cold, hard facts of shots struck, but of the experience as a whole. However, after a round of golf is such a natural time to reflect on what has happened. It may not seem like it, but golfers keep their reflections front and center in their minds. How many of us can recall certain shots, certain days on the golf course, both good and bad? Feeling a surge of joy recalling a great hole and being able to laugh about a horrible shot with time and distance taking the sting out?
For some, this may seem like a bit too much, and that’s fair. But if you already record your rounds in a journal of some sort, or take some kind of notes, you might enjoy this as an addition to what you already do. I doubt it can hurt, unlike me giving you swing advice. Definitely don’t do that.
There are many resources on the Examen. You can find videos for a guided walk-through or printed materials varying in size and detail. Some list the steps on the back of a card about the size of a business card, while others take a longer view. For this particular twist, I’ve found a take on the Examen specifically designed for use in the summer months (like golf) written by Eric Clayton SJ. I’ve adapted the steps a little bit to suit a round of golf, but the principles are the same.
Thanksgiving or Gratitude
When looking back at the day’s round of golf, what are you thankful for on that particular day? At this point, I keep it very divorced from my score or anything performance-related (a great putt, a crushed drive, those come in later). Instead, focus on the whole experience. Looking back at my examens, I’m almost always very grateful for just being able to be out on a course, experiencing the beauty of nature. I’m almost always thankful for the ability to walk for the round, even if it was a difficult walk. There may very well come a time when walking 5000+ yards won’t be possible so I keep that in mind.
Keeping with nature, I try and recall if I saw something special or unique. Did a deer run by? Did I see an eagle? What about the weather? I’m in the Midwest, so the truly perfect days are not as plentiful. However, and perhaps a bit weird, I try and appreciate the bad weather. There is something very gratifying about finishing a round, cold and wet, and knowing that many other folks wouldn’t be caught dead in such weather. Like I said, probably a little weird.
I always reflect on the company I keep. Did I meet some new folks? Was it my usual group? One of my favorite things about golf is the inter-generational aspect of it. I’ve been paired up with people young enough to be my kids and old enough to be my parent. Both new experiences and familiar ones hold a special place. I don’t get to play with my brother very often, so I cherish those times. I love playing with my regular foursome, in part because it probably won’t be my regular group forever. Finally, living in a large metro area, when I get a chance to play alone I’m grateful for the solitude that golf can sometimes offer.
Light/Detail
Clayton puts this step in to remind us to get outside and feel the sun. While I love this idea, I think this combines well with the next step, detail. Continuing with the spirit of gratitude, take the time to reflect on things that went well for the day and the emotions that resulted. It could be macro, “I putted really well today” to the granular, “That approach on 5 was awesome!” Even in the worst round, there is almost always something good. As we often say, “that shot that keeps you coming back.” It might seem a bit repetitive of the first step, but I try to focus on the joyful moments from the round. What is good here is that I take this opportunity to look beyond myself. The moment that this really sank in was when my friend had a hole-in-one. I’ve never had one; this was the first (and only) time I’ve witnessed an ace. I might not have done it, but being there was still pretty incredible. When I’m not completely self-centered, I can experience even more joy.
Shadow
The part that is often at the forefront of my thoughts after a round, is the bad stuff. It may seem counterintuitive to bring up such moments, but St. Ignatius encourages us to embrace our whole experience, all of our emotions, and discern and reflect on all of these moments. Bad things and negative emotions happen. It’s part of being human. Golf is a very human game. Did you chunk an important shot? Hit driver bad all day? Have a really strong burst of anger? Did I throw a club? Instead of trying to forget these moments, or worse stuff them into some corner of our minds, the Jesuits encourage us to recognize them and explore all that we can around such moments.
It doesn’t all have to be our own doing either. Sometimes I strike a ball really well, but it takes a bad hop, or a putt hits something that I didn’t see or any number of things that can happen on a golf course. I still have a reaction, an emotion. Even in these types of moments, I can learn something about myself, my day, and my golf game.
Unfortunately, sometimes playing partners can come up in this step. It doesn’t happen very often, but sometimes there are doozies. The worst was being paired up with an objectively racist couple for a team scramble event. Another time one of the guys in a random foursome smoked more pot than I thought humanly possible. As I reflect on such situations, the question is how was I affected? Did it mess up my mental and emotional state? Maybe I handled it well. Again, it’s all valid and worthy of reflection.
Tomorrow
Looking toward tomorrow is the final step of the examen. What can we take from the previous round and use? How can this round prepare me for the next? What do I need to work on? The focus can be strictly on golf, giving you areas to focus on at your next session at the range and what to look for in your next round. The more I’ve been doing a golf examen, however, the more I’m taking lessons into the broader scope of life. I can honestly say I appreciate a good day and take the bad ones a little more in stride. For me anyway, golf is a blessing and I’m grateful for the good and the bad. I can also say that I’ve gotten better. Maybe not at golf, but as a person, which I didn’t see happening through a round of golf.
